I … am addicted to online personality tests and delving into my own psyche using different tools.
This is my newest discovery, thanks to the 10% Happier podcast. It talks about motivation, specifically.
The animation itself is adorable and extremely well done, but I found myself thinking about it long after it was over, and even going back and watching it again.
Because I am not an Upholder – the type of person who has no problem fulfilling both external and internal obligations.
Instead, I am an Obliger. External obligations? No problem, I am ON this. “You can count on me! And I am COUNTING ON YOU TO COUNT ON ME.” came a little close to home.
So my problems with motivating myself to keep writing — they revolve a lot around my own feelings of self-doubt. I don’t think I’m as good as I want to be, and I certainly don’t feel as good as other people say I am. In fact, I feel pretty terrible most of the time.
The solution isn’t to try and force myself to be an Upholder — I shouldn’t keep telling myself that if I really wanted this, I need to be able to do it on my OWN, just for me, without caring about other people and what they want.
(To a certain extent, yes, but there’s also a large part of what motivates me that comes from other people validating what I’m doing.)
So what does that mean for me? I’m not sure, to be honest. It means I need to build some kind of external support group that cares more that I -am- writing. Who can reassure me I’m not just spouting word-garbage on the page.
I’m not sure what that looks like, tbh. Because in the past, that revolved around me trying to heavily edit my share-outs, and as we all know, that didn’t work out so well either. My perfectionism got in the way. I need to be able to write ROUGH and FAST and keep moving, secure in the knowledge that I can go back and fix it later.
I dunno. I have a lot to think about.