Categorylife

Prissy the Shar-Pei

Growing up, the first dog I remember in our family was Prissy. A rescued Shar-Pei, she was one of the sweetest and gentlest dogs you could hope for.

I remember her wrinkled cinnamon-roll tail and her round manatee-like muzzle with equal fondness.

Mother

The most interesting thing about Prissy wasn’t her breed, however. It was how devotedly she approached the life calling of “Mother”.

She gave birth to exactly one litter of puppies while in our care. Apparently, that wasn’t remotely sufficient for her big heart.

If a puppy ever graced our backyard, her cinnamon-roll would spiral in the closest thing to a wag she could accomplish, and she would scootch under the old truck we had in the back and produce toys we didn’t even remember giving to her. Anything to please the young pup. Balls, frisbees, dirty rags that used to be stuffed animals … whatever she could find.

Bella’s Kittens

I had a cat named Bella who would routinely balloon with kittens. (No, we were not conscientious pet owners. I now know that unfixed outside pets are neither normal nor acceptable, but middle-of-nowhere Texas was not known for its forward-thinking)

Now, Bella would wait as long as possible before having her kittens. I swear, it seemed like their eyes were already open at least once when I first met a littler.

Additionally, she would suffer through the only the merest brush of motherhood. She grudgingly suckled her kittens until such time as they could be trusted to eat solid food, then soundly ignored them forever.

Prissy, on the other hand? ADORED these so-young castoff kittens. She took over their raising, which included suckling them from teats that long ago should have dried up after her own litter was gone.

Many times, you could look out the back window and see her lying in a patch of sunlight, a nearly-grown catling suckling happily at her belly.

Stray Kittens

One night, I was driving home with my mom when I thought I saw the glint of light off tiny eyes.

“I think I just saw some kitt–” I began.

“–NO YOU DIDN’T!” mom tried to convince me.

Alas for her, I was not convinced. We turned around and found ourselves the new owner of two teensyweensy kittenthings.

We took them home (one short-haired and black, the other long-haired and gray) and set them in a wheelbarrow so the rest of the backyard menagerie could get used to their scent.

Bella hopped up next to them, arched her back like she’d landed in water, gave me one VERY offended look, and proceeded to disown even the notion that the other kittens existed. She tolerated their presence in her domain, but did not stoop to share square footage with them. Ever. Their sin of existing simply could not be forgiven.

Prissy, on the other hand, circled the wheelbarrow like a mad thing, whining and begging to be given the kittens. When we finally gave in and let her mother them, I’ve never seen her more relieved or happy.

Poncho the Goat

Then there was Poncho.

Poncho was a goatling we bought at a flea market called First Monday probably hours after her birth. She was a frail, black and white darling of a kid, and we bottle-fed her for months.

Prissy adopted her instantly, which led to some very interesting moments where you could look out the back window and see Prissy, standing, allowing a baby goat to drink milk from her, and looking at least a little bemused about the whole thing. Kittens and puppies knew to drink laying down, of course, but whatever this weird tall dog needed, Prissy was going to offer. Even if the creature DID headbutt her in the belly in the middle of a meal.

The National Rifle Association (Eddie Izzard voice)

So … I’m a member of the NRA, and it happened by accident.

A couple of years ago, I’m tooling around on Groupon. Just seeing deals in my area, that sort of thing. Shoes, manicures, haircuts … the normal shabazzle.

An offering caught my eye — a gun safety class at a crazy good discount.

I’m a writer, I says to myself. And I sometimes write stories with guns. Also, I am currently afraid of guns, and this is not a great situation to be in.

So I bought the class, thinking I’d get a little experience in safely handling a gun. You know. Nothing fancy. I just wanted to know more than “point that end away from you and pull the trigger” as far as guns were concerned. Get some experience actually shooting a gun so that when I wrote about it, it would be more authentic than just regurgitating things I’ve read in other books.

Right? Right. So this all sounds great.

The Class

We drive out to the gun range where the class was being held, and enter what I recall as feeling like a big nice garage. There are chairs and tables set up, an old tube tv on a rolling cart, and a long table filled with different types of guns up at the top.

Pretty close to what I expected.

The room fills up pretty quickly and I thinks to myself, “Self,” I says, “That is more people interested in basic gunmanship than I thought would be here.”

Turns out, I was right on both counts.

1. The class was super full because laws in Wisconsin were changing so that you had to have a license if you wanted to carry a concealed weapon.
2. This was not “basic gunmanship” (I’m assuming that’s the right term. Please don’t disabuse me of the notion if I’m wrong.). This was a “concealed carry” licensing class.

So the room was filled with people who knew more about guns than I do about horses, all of whom were forced to watch painfully contrived videos about the benefits and dangers of concealed carry.

AAAAAHHHHWWWKWAAAARRRD.

The Students

Two of us in the class stood out.

Me, because my still-ignorant self sat at the front of the room and so was one of the first people to introduce myself as “an author looking to know more about guns.” — when everyone else was like “Joe, and I’m here to get my license.”

Awareness of context clues, I do not have.

A fellow in the back who may NOT have been in some sort of mob/mafia situation … but who DID have two “bodyguards” and who ALSO happened to have a gold-plated pearl-handled something  of a gun that the man leading the class requested he display because it was so cool it needed to be shared. Also, I remember something being said about either a chain of massage parlors or dry cleaning companies.

I tried not to listen too closely. There are some things I’m happier not knowing.

The Lesson Plan

ANYWAY, so the class was almost entirely “watch this series of videos,” all of which showed various situations that were defused by the hero having a concealed gun handy. A woman followed into a bathroom. A guy attacked while his car was broken down on the side of the road.

There was also a lot of advertising for various gun-themed vacation/training packages? It’s been a few years, but I do remember feeling bemused at the amount of advertising in the class.

Right. So. The teacher clearly was torn between “oh god, this young lady in the front is clearly in the wrong class” and “everyone else is so bored and is only here to get licensed” so it was a very strange vibe.

I never did actually touch a gun.

On a practical note, I did learn that the teacher strongly recommended mace as a self-protection choice, which I appreciated. Laws about gun use and concealed carry are not straightforward, but peppering someone is far less likely to lead to jail time for a victim to may or may not be able to prove they were defending themselves.

Licensed to WHAT now?

Anyway, end of the class and we were told that we now had our licenses to carry a concealed weapon.

I realize I was slow on the uptake here, so you’ll have to forgive me, but it wasn’t until THAT INSTANT that I realized … I can carry a gun. Secretly. Hidden about my person.

AND I HAVE NEVER ACTUALLY FIRED ONE.

Additionally, I found out via the mail that I was now a card-carrying member of the NRA, to boot.

Um.

Politics about gun ownership aside, I think we can all agree that unless I get some serious training, -I- should not have a weapon. Concealed or not.

Me. Tami. No guns. Checkaroonie.

And yet.

Looming Future

Some day, I feel like someone is going to find out I’m a member of the NRA and that I have a concealed carry license, and I am going to have to answer some very serious questions.

I just … don’t know how to answer them without pointing to groupon and saying “oopsie.”

Edit: All free boxes have found new homes!

Much Wailing and Gnashing of Teeth

So. Needless to say, I have cancelled my HelloFresh subscription based on a Very Bad customer experience interaction.

My second box arrived and once again, one of the proteins was problematic. This time, the beef package wasn’t completely enclosed, so it bled all over the other meats. I mistakenly thought it was the pork causing the problem, which means the beef also bled in my fridge and I didn’t trust it by the time I needed it.

Also, the herbs I received were VERY sad and floppy.

So, when I got their email asking me how my box was, I let them know I was closing my account and why. I closed my account.

The next day, I notice that I have a $70 charge from them for another box in my pending transactions for my credit card.

Um. No.

I contact their customer service, where someone whose name almost certainly wasn’t “Ethel” tried to convince me that a) I hadn’t actually closed my account despite the fact that I was staring at a page with a red message declaring that my account was closed, then b) telling me they had no record of me “pausing” that week, followed by c) I was not eligible to have the charges reversed because it was not 5+ days before the next box was due to be delivered.

I contacted them before the box was shipped. I contacted them before the charge ACTUALLY hit my account.

I was stonewalled. I could not be helped. It was my fault for not pausing the week.

Now, there is a chance I made a mistake and didn’t pause the week. I don’t think that’s true, because I paused ALL WEEKS AVAILABLE to me. All of them. I only UNpaused the two boxes I wanted to get — so if I didn’t pause it, it was very very much a mistake. Even if Box 2 had been glorious, I would not want two weeks in a row. It’s too much food for me.

Even if that were true, why would you not allow a justifiably unhappy customer to reverse a charge if they make the effort to contact your customer service about it with time before the box was actually shipped?!

ALSO, this means that even if I wasn’t in the habit of pausing all my weeks, I would have only TWO days (including the delivery day) to decide to make changes or pause the following week.

That. Is. Ridiculous.

Box The Third

So now I have a box that was delivered to me filled with meals I did not choose and that I was incapable of cancelling. This AFTER having the bad experience of one useless protein in each box.

Now, the first box I got was free, so I wasn’t upset at the bad chicken I got.

Box 2 was discounted in price, so I was happy to give them a second chance.

Unwanted and uncancellable box 3 at full price pisses me right the hell off, I don’t mind telling you.

Contrast This with StitchFix

Do you want to know what Stitchfix did? When I cancelled my account, they reversed the $20 charge without me having to ask them. (I honestly had planned on receiving that last box, but was totally fine with them stopping everything the moment I closed the account.)

StitchFix win.

HelloFresh superfail.

Damn The Man

So here’s the rub.

In that unwanted box, they gave me THREE passes for free boxes for friends who haven’t tried it yet. (Free – equivalent to $69.95 discount. You can’t get ANY box, but you can easily get their low tier for free)

I am going to give those free passes to the first three friends who ask for them. (Sorry Perry, it’s for US residents only). (Edit: all free boxes have been rehomed)

Now, some of you may be raising an eyebrow. Why am I perpetuating this company that pissed me off and gave me admittedly substandard box contents?

BECAUSE IT IS GOING TO COST THEM A LOT OF MONEY, THAT’S WHY.

Muahahaha.

So, here’s the scoop.

1. Tell me that you want the code in a comment. Remember that I only have three, and I will NOT be handing them out to random strangers who visit the blog — friends and family only.*
2. I will email you a picture of the code you can use.
3. You will go to hellofresh.com
4. OPTIONALLY: you can hang on to the card until the delivery week is one whose meals are more interesting to you. You are FORCED to get the first box after you create your account — you cannot pause the first week after creating your account.**
5. Create your account and use the code when prompted. You will have to hook up an actual payment method as well, so be prepared.
6. Choose your meals.
7. Pause upcoming weeks, just to be safe.
8. Verify that your box is incoming.
9. CLOSE YOUR ACCOUNT. Do not dawdle, otherwise you’ll get trapped into paying for a second box you don’t even want.  (I mean, you obviously don’t have to do this step. Maybe you will really like the service, which is totally fine. In my world, I’m sticking it to The Man here, so I’m going to pretend you all get a free box and thumb your nose at them.)
10. Cook the meals, enjoy the food, and let me know how it went! I really loving sharing food and cooking, which is why I’m extra pissed about how this all went down. Besides, they DO have some really good recipes and this is a great excuse to try something you wouldn’t normally have the ingredients for (like the bibimbap that I tried and loved last week.)

Blue Apron

Another coworker gave me a free BlueApron box that I’ll be trying in a few weeks. Same concept, different company. BlueApron would allow me to only get TWO meals a week, though, which is much closer the speed I can actually consume this food. I was able to choose which week I wanted my first delivery week to be at the time I created the account, which I was a fan of.

Dinner Bell

So! Who wants a free HelloFresh box? Faith? Steven? Kestrel? Angie? Barto? Bre? Anyone?

Footnotes

* I will turn off comments to this post if it starts getting out of hand with folks and freebie-bots who don’t understand this rule.

** I specify this because someone else I know got a free code the same time I did and they were forced to get that week’s box when they created their account. They couldn’t pause it or make any changes, which is b.s. I don’t want you to have the same problem.

Boxy BoxBox

This was my free box — thanks to a friend with a handy coupon.

The box itself was HEAVY and bigger than expected. When I opened it up, I saw that the cardboard was lined with something akin to silver bubble wrap.

Recipe cards and three brown paper bags were on top. Each bag was labeled with the meal it contained.

Below that I found the meat sandwiched neatly between two frozen “pillows”.

(Note: I gave my mom the box, lining, and frozen pillows when she was here this weekend. The pillows remained frozen overnight. Super cool.)

Recipe 1: Crispy Breaded Tilapia

I chose this recipe because cooking fish is still daunting to me, and I’ve not got much experience breading and frying things.

The sides were roasted asparagus and ciabatta toasts (with butter and chives).

I saved one of the two ciabatta rolls they sent me because I (correctly) assumed mom would want to make a sandwich with the other. I will say that I was surprised at how lovely the fresh chives were on a toasted ciabatta. I honestly thought it would have needed garlic or something.

The asparagus was good, but disappointingly slim. I ate ALL of it as part of my first meal and ended up pairing my leftover fish with some veggie bites I had in the freezer.

The fish itself was really good. A co-worker told me that if I would have let the breaded-but-uncooked fish sit for at least 5 minutes, the breading would have stuck to the final product a little better.

Even so, the panko was super tasty and I was pleased with the overall meal. A fun experience that I would never have bought the ingredients for and tried on my own.

Recipe 2: Cherry Drizzled Pork Chops

HUGE win. Super delicious and tasty, and fun to make to boot!

The only downside is that one of the ingredients was missing. There should have been a little packet of soup base to use in the cherry drizzle sauce, but it was nowhere to be found.

The couscous side was very easy to make (though if I make it again, I’ll saute the shallots before adding them to the mix) and turned out zingy and fresh.

The pork chops turned out PERFECT. Delightfully crisp on the outside and the cherry sauce? MAGNIFIQUE.

I added the pork chops and cherry sauce to my recipe cards.

Recipe 3: Winner Winner Chicken Orzo Dinner

The side dish was a big big win, but the chicken itself was uninspiring.

Alas, the downside this time was the chicken itself. One of the breasts was off-color and both of them had … an odor. We rinsed them, sniffed again, and decided not to chance it.

Luckily, I live across the street from a butcher shop, so we got some replacements there.

The chicken was just butterflied and fried with spices. If I do this again, I’m slicing, marinating in italian dressing, and frying THAT up. OM NOM.

However, I bought the recipe because I wanted to try the orzo and I was NOT disappointed.

What a LOVELY texture and shape the orzo has!

Plus, they had me roast zucchini and tomato … then sprinkle panko, mozzarella, and parmesan over top and broil until toasty.

I then added THAT glorious, cheesy, crispy mess back to the orzo and you guys?

*kisses fingertips*

You bet your bottom dollar that recipe got added to my box.

Another Box?

Yup! I want at least one more … plus, I emailed in about the chicken and the missing soup base and they gave me a $30 rebate.

I mean. They addressed the email to “Rick” but I still got the rebate, so I’m not complaining. 😉

The next box isn’t for another couple of weeks (I paused the next few until I found a week with three awesome-looking recipes) so expect another post sometime after Halloween.

Box 2 hath arrived!

I lowered the price point on this one to the minimum for all categories.

I got:

1) A navy knit top with a heavy lace hem and a string/tie in the back.

Nice, flattering, good fit, LOVED the lace … but the tie tangled in my hair and was a super duper no-go. Alas.

2) A black knit top with a twist in the back.

Boring in the front and the fun twist was totally hidden by my hair. No-go.

3) A heavy white long-sleeved shirt with a HUGE rope/string lace-up the front. 

Huge rope/string was super awkwardly huge. Like … as wide as my thumb huge. Also, the neckline it was lacing went waaaay down, so it would have needed an undershirt. No-go.

4) An ADORABLE silk kimono top in a blue and gold pattern.

Flattering and amazing … but every three steps, it gossammer’d its way off my shoulders. SO SAD. But I had to let it go. Practicality first!

5) A clingy/stretchy black long sleeved cover-up.

Originally I didn’t think I’d like it, but it was SUPER comfy and the hemline does this flattering swoopy curve thing that involves POCKETS so … yeah. I kept it.

Another Box?
Yes, but it may be my last one. It’s been fun, but also expensive and I’m just not a clotheshorse. I’m fine wearing a $15 top I got from J.C. Penney that I might see someone else wearing … or even a $5 top from a resale shop, without cringing or shame.

I did request to get two bottoms in this next box and specified that I like boot cut. We shall see how they do … I’ve been told sometimes they hit the jackpot on pants that fit, and I hate pants shopping.

So! One more box for sure, but perhaps the last one. We shall see!

Yup. I’ve done it. Dipped my toes in the water and am trying two subscription services. The temperature in the nether realm has dropped dramatically.

But I figured, hey, why not TRY them, eh?

StitchFix

StitchFix* is an online clothing service. Every month (or whatever cycle works for you), you pay them $20 and they send you a box of clothes based on your preferences. You have three days to try on the clothes and decide if you want to buy any. Return any you don’t want in their prepaid shipping bag. If you choose to buy? Your $20 paid is deducted from the price of the item.

Preferences

When I say “your preferences” I super duper mean it. They have an exhaustive wizard to walk you through what you do and do not like in clothing (as well as how much you want to pay for pants vs accessories, for example).

In addition to that wizard, there’s also a textbox where you can add custom-worded detail.

In addition to that, they recommend you give them a link to a pinterest board with clothes you like.

In addition to THAT, they ask you if you have any requests specific to the next box — “I have a wedding coming up, send me some dresses to try!” or “I’m running low on tops, send mostly those. But no sweaters.”

Whatever you want, they try to get it.

And they learn as you rate the box you got, so theoretically you go from liking one or two items to liking all of them after a while.

All without “going shopping”.

I’ve got coworkers who use it, and EVERY single time they wear a stitchfix item, they get compliments.

So I took the plunge.

My First Box Contents

The item I kept from the last box is a transparent blue pattern overshirt with a navy undershirt. The sleeves have a neat button-pull-back effect and are about 3/4.

They also sent me an almost identical top in red that I was sorely tempted by because the pattern was more broken up … but blue suits me slightly better, so I chose the other.

I also got a heavy knit cover-up sweater with a wonderful scooping hem that I unfortunately didn’t need.

There was also a top with really cool large buttons up the back and a super soft gray sweater with an asymmetrical hem and a cowl neck.

All excellent choices based on my preferences, just a lot pricier than I was expecting … so I lowered my price point for the upcoming box and we’ll see what the next one looks like. =]

It’s nice to feel like I’ve got this tailored, unique box headed my way with little effort on my part, but I’m still tight-fisted enough with my money that this may or may not stick. We shall see.

HelloFresh

HelloFresh* is a weekly menu service. The lowest option is 3 meals for 2 people at $60, which ain’t cheap.

It IS however, very cheap indeed when a friend has been there long enough to get freebie coupons. *wink*

Preferences

So I signed up. The process to get started here was much easier than StitchFix … but then again, I’m less opinionated about my food than I am my clothing, so that makes sense.

I chose the non-vegetarian option, then selected from a variety of meat options.

After that, I was presented with a menu of possibilities for next week’s box. They had pre-selected three for me, but I can change those and choose my preferred three from their limited menu (including one “premium” option that would have a small upcharge) until Friday.

Meal Selection

I aaaaalmost swapped out a chicken orzo meal for the site-favorite southwestern stuffed bell peppers but decided against it at the last minute. The magic of beef/cheese/bell peppers is already known to me. chicken and creamy orzo, on the other hand, I have never tried.

Next week, I’ll be getting all of the ingredients and the recipes to make “Winner Winner Chicken Orzo Dinner”, cherry-glazed pork chops over couscous, and breaded tilapia.

ALL of the recipes looked really good, and I’m excited to try this one out. It’s spendier than if I just bought the stuff myself … but honestly, my cooking has taken a bit of a nosedive lately and I’m interested in getting shook out of my comfort zone a little.

Footnotes

* The links here are referral links. Just in case you decide to try a system, if you use the specific links I sent, I’ll get a wee boost on my account.

The HelloFresh link includes a discount on your first box.

No pressure and no big deal, just wanted to be up-front about it. =]

Okay, this is a silly thing to give an entire blog post to, but I’m doing it anyway.

The Masterlink Seatbelt Adjuster is a small plastic clip that attaches to the waist portion of a seatbelt and offers a little flap so that you can tuck the shoulder strap into it.

(Please note I linked to an amazon search for it because I only paid $6 for a two-pack of black ones and the prices seem all over the board now.)

As a short lady, I cannot imagine how much this has made my driving life easier. Even having to re-do the shoulder strap every time I sit down is minimal compared to the lack of choking/cutting pressure on the side of my neck from the shoulder strap.

I gave the second one to my mom and she reports similar results — took a week or so to get used to slipping the strap through the latch and now neither of us can imagine driving without it.

Inexpensive and useful. My second favorite combo. (If it was also adorable it would get extra points).